Life Transitions
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Imagine yourself standing on the shore of a familiar place.
It's not exactly where you want to stay, but it's home and
it's comfortable enough.
In the distance you can see the shoreline of another coast. It is a lush, green, island with a beautiful, sunny beach and small, somewhat worn beach houses scattered within view.
What an idyllic place. Perhaps you'd like to live there. It seems promising. And so peaceful,
Were you to move there, however, you'd have to cross turbulent waters. Maybe that's enough to stop you. But maybe not.
​The Three Stages of Transition
ONE: leavetaking
The best predictor of a successful arrival and outcome is a fulfilling departure.
When you're considering a relocation, beginning or ending a committed relationship, retirement, career change, parenthood, or other milestone event, the thought alone can be overwhelming. But although you're settled where you are, you know that it's time for change.
The most important determinant of a successful arrival is a fulfilling departure. Not a thoroughly joyous one, not one without a few regrets. But one marked by meaningful good-byes and an honoring of your experience in that place, both for better and for worse.
Think of a fulfilling departure as packing a box to leave behind, until a future point when you will go to retrieve it.. You want to ensure that everything you'll want to leave is inside; that it's all in good shape and packed carefully. That the lock is functioning and the box is tightly sealed. Down the road, when you return for it, everything will be in good order.
Without a solid leave-taking, a successful arrival and adjustment
will be more difficult to achieve,
However, it's not uncommon for a leave-taking to be incomplete. When there's a lot left unresolved, therapy can serve to help you to work it through during the transition, or once you've arrived.
Likewise, you'll want now to begin the process of resolving conflicts with people you care about. Make a last visit to honor a favorite place. Arrange a celebration, large or small- or a simple solo ceremony- perhaps lighting a candle then sitting quietly to mark your good-bye. Rituals like these serve to create a sense of flexible closure. When you choose to visit that same place in the future, you won't be carrying the heavy burden of hard feelings and loose ends.